My vow to stop swearing? Also, WWTFD (what would Tina Fey do)

About a month late I have (in this state of idleness) come up with a few new year's resolutions of various levels of attainability and seriousness. Partly (mostly?) in order to... I don't know, give myself something to do. They came out to be:

1. go pescetarian (no meat except for seafood) for a week
2. stop swearing like such a g*ddamn sailor
3. drive more often and possibly LEARN TO DRIVE STICK SHIFT??
4. limit drinking to beer (I mean limit alcoholic drinking to beer. Not ALL drinking. That would be unwise, and, er achieve the opposite effect that I want)

The idea to try out a pescetarian diet came first, when I was at the tail end of my stay in LA, and then the others sort of came along after that. I guess the whole thing I'm trying for is to create a healthier body and mind. It's funny, though, all of these things... anyone who knows me well enough (ok, mostly the roommate Jackie again) would say that it'd be a joke to think I could do any of these things. BUT YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY WILLPOWER.

The pescetarian thing deserves a post of its own, but as far as the other stuff... okay. Swearing. I once described myself as "speaking as though I was raised by Kathy Griffin and Triumph the insult comic dog." That's just not the kind of image you want to project, generally. My brother gives me grief about it especially, citing the time we were eating at Wendy's when I said something proper ladies should not say and a little kid nearby repeated it. And then his mom smacked him :| I am a little uncertain as to the validity of this, but my bro swears it happened.

Aside from preventing future child abuse, I got to thinking about how my adaption of good, positive words and thoughts, not foul language, would be such a change for the better, not just for myself but for the people who surround me. Ugh, that sounds cheesy. But yeah, positive ...energy. And stuff. I don't know what I'm trying to say--it just feels right. But obviously I can make exceptions. For example, if a giant anvil falls out of the sky and onto my house. That's just f*cked up.

What really took me from "haaa, wouldn't it be funny and futile if I tried to stop cursing" to "maybe I'm serious about this" was the realization that my personal hero, (whose character on TV I strongly identify with/possibly am) Tina Fey, doesn't swear. She is clever, fantastic, successful and seriously funny without swearing. (Makes me think of Will Smith, WHOSE AWESOMENESS IS UNPARALLELED AND IRREFUTABLE, rapping without swearing.) As Jackie pointed out to me, part of what makes Tina funny is actually what she says in lieu of swears. "Nerds!" or "BLERG" or, the one I use way often, "What the WHAT?" The fact is, she is, well, wholesome. So if I aspire to be anything like her--and oh, I do--then I can go without f-bomb and co., can't I?

Except I'm not sure where to draw the line yet. Like "ass", is ass ok? I think the occasional ass will be ok. I mean, Conan regularly refers to himself as an ass (I base all my decisions off of Tina Fey and Conan O'Brien--you got me). "Shit" might be sketchy. I feel better about using "shite." Also I kind of really love the word "whore", but I should probably scale back on that one...

By the way my self-improvement kick has "Liz Lemon" painted all over it. She's all "I'm trying new things" and "One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say YES." She also does pretty much whatever Oprah tells her to do. Which is funny since it was watching the recent Oprah episode on veganism that inspired me to try out a diet change. Cough cough onceagaindon'tjudgeme cough.

I leave you with a prime example of why I feel I am Elizabeth Lemon