indulgences

Aw man, I just found a relatively untouched box of assorted chocolates. I watched Chocolat last night, so my lust for the stuff is abnormally high.

And yes, pretty much all I do with my life is watch movies. And yell at my brother every Tuesday so he'll get off the tv and I can watch The Biggest Loser (latest: they brought the cast to New Zealand. New Zealand!). I've never followed the show before but I got into it this season, in a big way. HA. Possibly even the biggest way. BIGGEST WEIGH. TURBO PUN.

I wish my sense of humor was more subtle and sophisticated than that. Alas, I've been reading up on astrology a bit lately, and apparently Taureans do not have subtle sense of humor. Which explains why I find the topic of poop and pooping--even just the words themselves--like, really amusing. Embarrassingly so. In other words, I share a little something with Mozart. See wikipedia article "Mozart and scatology." Not only did Mozart loveh the pewp jokes, apparently "the folklorist and cultural anthropologist Alan Dundes suggested that interest in or tolerance for scatalogical matters is a specific trait of German national culture, one which is retained to this day." And that, my friends, is why I am partly German and why I am destined to my German Studies major. Not really. Possibly.

Do you think modern-day Germans are still all about poop jokes? Should I research that this summer? Should I write a thesis on this?

Today I started going through all my emails on my personal account. I haven't really deleted anything since 2008 and there are about 600 emails in the inbox and 600 more in the sent folder. Most entertaining to find was an email to my mother last summer, when I was back from Berlin from Vienna/Prague. Here's an excerpt!

"Anyway, when I bought my Prague souvenirs I was probably a little giddy from the beer, haha, and so I was very happily asking the cashier how to say things in Czech. "Oh I study German but I don't know any of the language here, how do I say 'hello'?" etc. The old fellow didn't seem that amused, but did tell me that hello is "ahoy"--which sounds like sailor speak, so I almost didn't believe him at first. Also chips ahoy. But ahoy also functions like 'aloha' in that it means goodbye as well. Anyway, I was surprised then when he sort of nonchalantly asked me if I'd like a discount. Presumably for being adorable. So of course I said yes and he subtracted the equivalent of five dollars, haha. I felt like little orphan Annie winning over Daddy Warbucks. So it pays to be nice, moral of the story! I then asked him another way to say 'goodbye' and it was very complicated sounding like fowiruapoijfoweiur, but I didn't care, I attempted to reply fowiruapoijfoweiur right back, haha. But yeah of course when you drink a little bit you want to talk to people more, and especially speak other languages. And  the people who coordinate this program know this because they always arrange for us to meet up and drink a bit and practice German. "

Honestly I'm still not buying the Czechs-say-"ahoy" thing. Anyway, the notable thing about that email is that after I sent it my mom really and truly FLIPPED HER SHIAT. The words "giddy" and "beer" convinced her I had turned to a life of drunken lasciviousness and she continued to send me emails that closed with things like "GOD sees everything you do" (not just God but GOD) and "Please do not do anything you will regret!" It was so unnerving--I was all 'what do you think I'm doing, mother?'--and I had a little breakdown about it.

My mom's a good Christian lady and normally very understanding but she just ...lost it... me being away for so long, I guess. I didn't really understand. When I'm at school I can go weeks without coming home, right? But something about being a sea away, so very far from her jurisdiction. And I don't know if it made her feel better or worse, but when I came back (apart from there being a big emotional fight--and I hate those, so they tend to happen very rarely) I put it this way: "The temptations in Europe and when I'm at school are the same. I don't need to go to Europe to be a drunken slut, if I wanted to. I could do that anytime. But I don't. So if you needn't worry about me at school, you needn't worry about me elsewhere."

Real smooth, Shan. "I can be a drunken slut anywhere!"
But yeah, I just hated how, even though I would very much call myself a good kid (a saint or nun-to-be? Absolutely not. But still overall pretty good)... if your parents aren't going to trust you anyway, if they're still going to be suspicious, well. Well it makes me respond in a lot of ways like, "they do not realize how good they have it, with me for a kid" or "I might as well be a hot mess then, if that's what they expect of me."

I just hope my mom can take a chill pill this time around, that's all. But I also need to find the courage inside myself to live by my own convictions, not my parents', not anyone else's. I think that's something I can always stand to work on more. Living life by my own terms. Bon Jovi knew what I was talkin' about. And you know what I'm talkin' about, about Bon Jovi knowing what I'm talkin' about. Yeahh you do.

I rant like a pro sometimes.