my hypothetical celebrity marriage

If genies were real and one popped out of like, a bottle of Snapple I was drinking (I figured the Snapple makes this more realistic somehow) I would immediately be so overwhelmed by the possibilities, the fear of making a terrible wish, and the potential bite-you-in-the-ass "careful what you wish for" repercussions. I would just have a nervous breakdown from all the pressure and stress, go nutso like Ophelia and kill myself. Just thinking about impossible hypothetical scenarios stresses me out, even though it's supposed to be telling, harmless fun.

The one, THE ONE exception to this, is if you ask me something like "Shan, if you could marry any person in the whole wide world, who would it be?" And to that, my friends, I answer: Joshua Groban.

There is nothing douchebaggy or offensive about Josh Groban. If I were reading The Chronicles of Narnia right now I'd be picturing J.Grobes as Mr. Tumnus. Also, a bunny could probably beat up Josh Groban.

But you know what? He is so not badass that he is actually badass. He is almost impossibly cheesy, inspirational, and geeky, but he's so tongue-in-cheek about it that the end result is someone just so... affable, unpretentious, and surprisingly hilarious. Like Tina Fey, he's a poster child for wholesomeness, and maybe that's my favorite kind of person--because, conversely, I'm kind of an asshole.

J.G.'s twitter account, which is a giant procrastination device for me, has basically convinced Jackie and me that if we actually knew the guy we would pretty much be the best of friends (he would also fit nicely into our fold of Mason Gross friends). His tweets please me and I strongly identify with them.
Like, "Today is one of those 'I really should get back to learning the bagpipe' kind of days." or 
"Gyro from a corner street vendor- 4$. The warmth of a chorus of grease covered angels singing "nom nom nom!" down my esophagus- priceless."


The best aspect of this hypothetical marriage is that he would sing at the wedding. I challenge you to top that. He would look at me with those honest, clear eyes and sing "When You Say You Love Me" at our SUPER BADASS WEDDING (which would have only the awesomest of celebrities like Ellen Degeneres and Michael Buble). And, oh God, sweet Jesus, I'd make sure he gets his bro ANDREA BOCELLI to sing as well, and that would be perfection.


Final point: