J.Crew catalogs are my porn

So--because I only think really deep thoughts--in writing my last post I realized that J.Crew catalogs are basically my porn. |: Whereas someone might ogle shirtless Abercrombie and Fitch models, I'd be the chick who wallpapers her wall with clippings of dudes fully clothed and wearing chinos. And like, I used to go totally ape shit over sweater vests. What am I, a gay man?

Many ladies have low expectations of the way their men dress. Straight dudes can't dress themselves, they say, just accept it. And to that I say no. Damn it, I refuse.

Basically the men in J.Crew catalogs are wearing such clothes that say "I am a capable grown-ass man with a job." That's what's up.

This is Robert Redford in Out of Africa. Look at him. Are those chinos? Men, you can look like Robert Redford RIGHT NOW, JUST GO TO J.CREW.

I'll break this down: you need to look like you are competent in the workplace OR, in the case of Redford here, like you are a *#$&ing pilot/explorer/badass.
Two acceptable looks, ok? Again:

PART TIME PROFESSOR OF ARCHEOLOGY, FULL TIME BADASS
as demonstrated by Harrison Ford

AFFABLE GEEK WITH DESK JOB BUT WHO IS NICE, RELIABLE AND NOT JACKASS

as demonstrated by Joseph Gordon-Levitt

As a final piece of advice I recommend plaid/checkered button-down shirts for any and all males.

When I get married someday and my friends throw me a bachelorette party I will be both pissed off and disappointed if they hire a stripper, and not some guy who will get paid to actually put on a plaid shirt slowly. For the duration of the night I will call him "Ben." And I will tuck one dollar bills into his breast pocket.

thursday lineup mancandy

So I've already established that television is basically my lifeblood. Whatever. I'm not sad. But tonight actually tired me out, watching Community, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation and The Office (haven't watched The Office in ages, but I had to watch the Michael Scott peacing out ep, right?). I wish I could just have a show I like on every night of the week, but noooo. **Though Wednesdays is Modern Family. And Tuesdays is Biggest Loser. Don't look at me like that, I said I'm not sad. And dudes, next week Tim Gunn gives the contestants makeovers. So dope.

Anyway I think there's something hormonally weird going on with me right now because I was diggin' on some fictional characters pretty hard. I'm going to talk about it because it's nearly 2AM and I'm feeling kind of punchy and whatever.

For starters, I was all about Sheldon Cooper tonight. He was just pure irresistible adorableness. I repeat, pure and adorable. When Sheldon isn't being a pompous ass he's just so effing sweet. And you know what, the character of Sheldon, this nerdy, romantically inexperienced guy, totes hearkens back to like, the bygone days of middle school crushes. And I like that. In other words I'm saying thanks, TBBT, for letting me revisit middle school without feeling like a creeper.

Oh, please note that while I say things like "adorable" and "sweet", make no mistake, I do mean that in a "if Sheldon Cooper was a real person, I'd tap that" way. Okay, "tap" in this instance meaning I'd steal a chaste kiss and then watch him stare at me quizzically. Bow chica bow wowww.

God, I love nerds. They are the best.

Neeeeext up, from my new favorite show, Parks and Rec, Ben Wyatt.

The storyline with him and Leslie is pretty cute so far. Nothing like some good will they or won't they they totally obviously will is that a real question? action.

He is a no-brainer for me because Ben is the number one dude name I am into. Look, I don't know why. I just accept it. Although I think there was a musical did at the local theater, back in 3rd grade or some nonsense, and I had a demi-crush on some kid also in the musical, named Ben. I'm halfway sure about this. So there's a thought.

Moreover dude's got some luscious brunette hair, and they put him in skinny ties and a vast array of checkered shirts. Like he's in a friggin J.Crew catalog. That combination is something like stabbing my Achilles's heel with a shard of kryptonite.

I have saved the best for last.

Ron $#*&ing Swanson.

Soulful blue eyes. Power stache.

Hates enthusiasm and overachievers.

Loves steak.

Hopeless romantic.

Moonlights as sensual saxophonist "Duke Silver."



As I said, I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me.

Ireland

If you were all like "Shan. Is Ireland as boss as I think it is?" I would be all "Duh. IRELAND is an acronym for "Incredibly Resplendent Elfin-Like Alcoholic Narnia Dream."

Details, per usual, will happen when I very well feel like it :D

Ciao-a-bunga, Ireland

6 AM flight out of Dublin. Means leaving for the airport disgustingly early. Uhhn. Tired... plus (how to put this delicately...) I am bleeding out of my vadge and therefore everything sucks MAJOR. BALLZ. (I don't believe in sugarcoating menstruation. I have this policy where everyone, OK, namely men, should have to feel as uncomfortable as I do, if only psychologically).

So, let me tell you, I am feeling especially smokin' hot in not-exactly-clean workout pants and this oversized Dublin hoodie. People of Dublin and Manchester airports, watch out. They only make this kind of hawtness in the States.

Last night I laid in the jacuzzi while listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" and drinking a Guinness. Sometimes I really am an expert on PMS catharsis.

Well Dublin, it's been fun! Love!

TWITTER NAOOOW

Made myself a twitter account today >:)
If I'm into it I will probably add a nifty twitter widget to this blog.

Oh God I just strung the words "nifty" "twitter" and "widget" together in a sentence punctuated with the word "blog." At what point should I be ashamed of myself?