Happy Shannakuh, A Gift Buying Guide

This shirt is probably the most accurate shirt-form representation of who I am as a person. Except not really, because a couple weeks back I ordered a Ron Swanson "pyramid of greatness" t-shirt off the NBC website. I've got that waiting for me at home and I am stoked for it. So that might be the most accurate representation... well, eh, another codicil: If I were a shirt, I would probably just be any shirt that is a button-down or a plaid shirt (I just counted 10 such shirts hanging in my closet, meaning my button-downs outnumber my "going out" dresses by a slight margin of 10:0)... anyway, this shirt is obnoxious and I am in complete agreement with it. All I want is everything that I want, is that so much to ask for in life?

That said, here is a list of stuff I would buy and/or would love to be gifted to me.

1. Frye Harlow Strap boots, $360, frye.com

Pffft, I totally do not have 360 bucks to blow on boots. Yes, I have two "jobs" but that money goes towards fat sandwiches (the last one I bought was the "fat drunk" from Gio's: cheese steak, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, fries, honey mustard, BBQ sauce) and $5 happy hour cocktails at Clydz. So about once a week I go online and look at these boots and just imagine a montage of the next ten years of my life, me wearing these boots and clubbing in every metropolitan city of the world. I don't even wear heels ever, but these call to me in my sleep and waking hours and semi-waking, hours telling me "Shan, how hawt would you been in these boots? (*my inner voice has never actually been known to say "Shan, you look hawt") And how tall slightly closer to average-height would you be? And how worth it would the pain be?" I have basically never seen more perfect boots in my life and that said, I should probably just shut up and start saving money in a piggy bank. 

2. "An Illustrated Guide to Cocktails", shwaaat!, $16 + shipping, anthropologie.com

Actually I super need this book, I should probably just order it right now. It combines some of my favorite things, i.e. illustration (hence my not-creepy collection of children's books), historical information that's actually interesting, and drankz. Home-run hit right here.

 3. 'A Softer World' Magnet Set, $16 + shipping, topatoco.com

First off, if you don't read A Softer World, then you should probably correct that situation, and then you'll also know why this magnet set is ingenius. Do you know how much fun I would have putting my own pictures in the frame and constructing weird sentences (that will no-doubt include "zombie"...I somewhat famously go apeshit for zombies)? Here is the product description, which I strongly approve of: Put your own photos in, carefully select the words to accompany them. Ruin your relationships or make people unexpectedly fall in love with you! Heck, use pictures of Doctor Who, or Joseph Dreamboat-Levitt. What do we care? We're not the boss of you. Express yourself, there's not much time left! 

4. Posters, $-however much they cost I'm not looking this up, interwebzsomewhere (amazon?)

I have wanted a Little Miss Sunshine poster for about two years now. The pop of yellow would look great on my walls, I love the movie, and just look how fun of a poster it is? The running to get in the van? Come on. 

I also very much need an Arcade Fire poster, and I am particularly fond of the Neon Bible design. If my soul could produce music--I am talking about music to capture the very essence of my being--it would sound something like Arcade Fire. I am not a crazy person, but I have always been convinced that now and again in your life you hear music that sounds precisely like what you'd want your music to sound like if you were only talented and blessed enough in life to be able to make your own music. The last band I felt this about was the Japanese band Asian Kung-Fu Generation, and that was in 2008 maybe, I'm not sure. Oh, and if you are one of those people who actually has the ability to create the music of your soul, I have to kindly ask you to go screw yourself, because that's just not fair. Unless you are Arcade Fire, in which case my soul thanks you for the good work that you do.

5. Espresso Machine!!, $ depends on level of fanciness, but methinks the cheapest is $150, nespresso.com

I. Love. Espresso. I love it because, like me!!, cups of espresso are tiny and adorable but strong and get the job done :P. I'm sorry, that was uncalled for, I hate myself a little bit for having said that. Anyway, America does not love espresso. You understand now, why I can't stay here. (To be fair, Germany is equally bad as the US in their love for filter coffee. Disgusting.)

All I want is an automatic espresso machine that uses convenient capsules (like the Keurig coffee machine at home) so that I can have a wonderful cup of espresso erryday. But if I order this thing I'd have to get the capsules delivered, since stores don't generally carry them :( and I'm not really into that idea. But if I wanted an espresso machine it would have to be this capsule-using kind, because look, I like espresso, but I don't have the patience or desire to figure out how to manually brew my own. I once looked into what kind of beans and what sort of machine I'd have to get, and it just seemed like a hassle. In short, I'm a little conflicted but I still really want a nespresso machine.

This concludes the 10 minutes of selfish thought I allow myself every once in a blue moon  day half hour or so.