It will be nearly 3 am soon, I'm on the couch with a soft blanket and really shockingly comfortable foam(?)-based pillow, JR is perched on the floor playing a Spider-man video game in which Spidey is voiced by Neil Patrick Harris (well played, whoever came up with that), and mom's on the home computer, playing solitaire. 3 AM solitaire, mom, that just seems uncalled for. Are you secretly procrastinating on a 5-7 page paper on Hegelian dialectic?
I am listening to pandora, which is attuned to my hip, mellow mood--except just now it tried to pawn the song "Jerk it out" onto me for the zillionth time. Awful. Stop doing that, pandora. And I am sleepy as well as a little unnerved because this whole set-up makes me think I've time-travelled back to anywhere in the January-April time period of this year (that aw-esome/ful hiatus-type break of my life, which as a soon-to-be humanities graduate I ought to get used to anyway). It's bizarre! This laying around (and prolonged neglect of work) doesn't mesh with these past months; I've been so insanely, discontentedly busy this whole semester. I would venture to say depressed, yes.
There was a week in which my breakfast (11 AM, after several torturing hours of reading Mrs. Dalloway or depressing/frustratingly enigmatic Kafka parables for class) would consist solely of leftover spicy ethnic food from the night before (the "mixed platter" from Kati Roll & Platters, "Korean style tacos"... [so delicious, my friends]), a bottle of Leinenkugel honey weiss beer, and an ibuprofin. This was all, I justified, an improvement over my usual "breakfast" of a glass of water.
But I had further justifications. Of course I had to eat the leftovers; waste not, want not. And 11 AM is basically lunch time, so it's not weird to be eating spicy meat products. And there's just nothing else to drink in the apartment except for beer, basically. And I needed the ibuprofin for the crazy menstrual cramps...
Et cetera.
I would judge myself for these behaviors, if I had a spare moment. Which I really don't. That solves that. Except, alright, I have a spare moment now and, well, it's all very appalling. For instance, I woke up today with my whole body aching, wondering if there was something quite terrible about the mattress I slept on. Then I realized, ah, no, remember how you went for a 15-minute jog yesterday? A fifteen. Minute. Jog.
School is making me fat and unhappy. Just saying. I AM PLAYING THE BLAME GAME AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.
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