J.Crew catalogs are my porn

So--because I only think really deep thoughts--in writing my last post I realized that J.Crew catalogs are basically my porn. |: Whereas someone might ogle shirtless Abercrombie and Fitch models, I'd be the chick who wallpapers her wall with clippings of dudes fully clothed and wearing chinos. And like, I used to go totally ape shit over sweater vests. What am I, a gay man?

Many ladies have low expectations of the way their men dress. Straight dudes can't dress themselves, they say, just accept it. And to that I say no. Damn it, I refuse.

Basically the men in J.Crew catalogs are wearing such clothes that say "I am a capable grown-ass man with a job." That's what's up.

This is Robert Redford in Out of Africa. Look at him. Are those chinos? Men, you can look like Robert Redford RIGHT NOW, JUST GO TO J.CREW.

I'll break this down: you need to look like you are competent in the workplace OR, in the case of Redford here, like you are a *#$&ing pilot/explorer/badass.
Two acceptable looks, ok? Again:

PART TIME PROFESSOR OF ARCHEOLOGY, FULL TIME BADASS
as demonstrated by Harrison Ford

AFFABLE GEEK WITH DESK JOB BUT WHO IS NICE, RELIABLE AND NOT JACKASS

as demonstrated by Joseph Gordon-Levitt

As a final piece of advice I recommend plaid/checkered button-down shirts for any and all males.

When I get married someday and my friends throw me a bachelorette party I will be both pissed off and disappointed if they hire a stripper, and not some guy who will get paid to actually put on a plaid shirt slowly. For the duration of the night I will call him "Ben." And I will tuck one dollar bills into his breast pocket.

thursday lineup mancandy

So I've already established that television is basically my lifeblood. Whatever. I'm not sad. But tonight actually tired me out, watching Community, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation and The Office (haven't watched The Office in ages, but I had to watch the Michael Scott peacing out ep, right?). I wish I could just have a show I like on every night of the week, but noooo. **Though Wednesdays is Modern Family. And Tuesdays is Biggest Loser. Don't look at me like that, I said I'm not sad. And dudes, next week Tim Gunn gives the contestants makeovers. So dope.

Anyway I think there's something hormonally weird going on with me right now because I was diggin' on some fictional characters pretty hard. I'm going to talk about it because it's nearly 2AM and I'm feeling kind of punchy and whatever.

For starters, I was all about Sheldon Cooper tonight. He was just pure irresistible adorableness. I repeat, pure and adorable. When Sheldon isn't being a pompous ass he's just so effing sweet. And you know what, the character of Sheldon, this nerdy, romantically inexperienced guy, totes hearkens back to like, the bygone days of middle school crushes. And I like that. In other words I'm saying thanks, TBBT, for letting me revisit middle school without feeling like a creeper.

Oh, please note that while I say things like "adorable" and "sweet", make no mistake, I do mean that in a "if Sheldon Cooper was a real person, I'd tap that" way. Okay, "tap" in this instance meaning I'd steal a chaste kiss and then watch him stare at me quizzically. Bow chica bow wowww.

God, I love nerds. They are the best.

Neeeeext up, from my new favorite show, Parks and Rec, Ben Wyatt.

The storyline with him and Leslie is pretty cute so far. Nothing like some good will they or won't they they totally obviously will is that a real question? action.

He is a no-brainer for me because Ben is the number one dude name I am into. Look, I don't know why. I just accept it. Although I think there was a musical did at the local theater, back in 3rd grade or some nonsense, and I had a demi-crush on some kid also in the musical, named Ben. I'm halfway sure about this. So there's a thought.

Moreover dude's got some luscious brunette hair, and they put him in skinny ties and a vast array of checkered shirts. Like he's in a friggin J.Crew catalog. That combination is something like stabbing my Achilles's heel with a shard of kryptonite.

I have saved the best for last.

Ron $#*&ing Swanson.

Soulful blue eyes. Power stache.

Hates enthusiasm and overachievers.

Loves steak.

Hopeless romantic.

Moonlights as sensual saxophonist "Duke Silver."



As I said, I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me.

Ireland

If you were all like "Shan. Is Ireland as boss as I think it is?" I would be all "Duh. IRELAND is an acronym for "Incredibly Resplendent Elfin-Like Alcoholic Narnia Dream."

Details, per usual, will happen when I very well feel like it :D

Ciao-a-bunga, Ireland

6 AM flight out of Dublin. Means leaving for the airport disgustingly early. Uhhn. Tired... plus (how to put this delicately...) I am bleeding out of my vadge and therefore everything sucks MAJOR. BALLZ. (I don't believe in sugarcoating menstruation. I have this policy where everyone, OK, namely men, should have to feel as uncomfortable as I do, if only psychologically).

So, let me tell you, I am feeling especially smokin' hot in not-exactly-clean workout pants and this oversized Dublin hoodie. People of Dublin and Manchester airports, watch out. They only make this kind of hawtness in the States.

Last night I laid in the jacuzzi while listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" and drinking a Guinness. Sometimes I really am an expert on PMS catharsis.

Well Dublin, it's been fun! Love!

TWITTER NAOOOW

Made myself a twitter account today >:)
If I'm into it I will probably add a nifty twitter widget to this blog.

Oh God I just strung the words "nifty" "twitter" and "widget" together in a sentence punctuated with the word "blog." At what point should I be ashamed of myself?

indulgences

Aw man, I just found a relatively untouched box of assorted chocolates. I watched Chocolat last night, so my lust for the stuff is abnormally high.

And yes, pretty much all I do with my life is watch movies. And yell at my brother every Tuesday so he'll get off the tv and I can watch The Biggest Loser (latest: they brought the cast to New Zealand. New Zealand!). I've never followed the show before but I got into it this season, in a big way. HA. Possibly even the biggest way. BIGGEST WEIGH. TURBO PUN.

I wish my sense of humor was more subtle and sophisticated than that. Alas, I've been reading up on astrology a bit lately, and apparently Taureans do not have subtle sense of humor. Which explains why I find the topic of poop and pooping--even just the words themselves--like, really amusing. Embarrassingly so. In other words, I share a little something with Mozart. See wikipedia article "Mozart and scatology." Not only did Mozart loveh the pewp jokes, apparently "the folklorist and cultural anthropologist Alan Dundes suggested that interest in or tolerance for scatalogical matters is a specific trait of German national culture, one which is retained to this day." And that, my friends, is why I am partly German and why I am destined to my German Studies major. Not really. Possibly.

Do you think modern-day Germans are still all about poop jokes? Should I research that this summer? Should I write a thesis on this?

Today I started going through all my emails on my personal account. I haven't really deleted anything since 2008 and there are about 600 emails in the inbox and 600 more in the sent folder. Most entertaining to find was an email to my mother last summer, when I was back from Berlin from Vienna/Prague. Here's an excerpt!

"Anyway, when I bought my Prague souvenirs I was probably a little giddy from the beer, haha, and so I was very happily asking the cashier how to say things in Czech. "Oh I study German but I don't know any of the language here, how do I say 'hello'?" etc. The old fellow didn't seem that amused, but did tell me that hello is "ahoy"--which sounds like sailor speak, so I almost didn't believe him at first. Also chips ahoy. But ahoy also functions like 'aloha' in that it means goodbye as well. Anyway, I was surprised then when he sort of nonchalantly asked me if I'd like a discount. Presumably for being adorable. So of course I said yes and he subtracted the equivalent of five dollars, haha. I felt like little orphan Annie winning over Daddy Warbucks. So it pays to be nice, moral of the story! I then asked him another way to say 'goodbye' and it was very complicated sounding like fowiruapoijfoweiur, but I didn't care, I attempted to reply fowiruapoijfoweiur right back, haha. But yeah of course when you drink a little bit you want to talk to people more, and especially speak other languages. And  the people who coordinate this program know this because they always arrange for us to meet up and drink a bit and practice German. "

Honestly I'm still not buying the Czechs-say-"ahoy" thing. Anyway, the notable thing about that email is that after I sent it my mom really and truly FLIPPED HER SHIAT. The words "giddy" and "beer" convinced her I had turned to a life of drunken lasciviousness and she continued to send me emails that closed with things like "GOD sees everything you do" (not just God but GOD) and "Please do not do anything you will regret!" It was so unnerving--I was all 'what do you think I'm doing, mother?'--and I had a little breakdown about it.

My mom's a good Christian lady and normally very understanding but she just ...lost it... me being away for so long, I guess. I didn't really understand. When I'm at school I can go weeks without coming home, right? But something about being a sea away, so very far from her jurisdiction. And I don't know if it made her feel better or worse, but when I came back (apart from there being a big emotional fight--and I hate those, so they tend to happen very rarely) I put it this way: "The temptations in Europe and when I'm at school are the same. I don't need to go to Europe to be a drunken slut, if I wanted to. I could do that anytime. But I don't. So if you needn't worry about me at school, you needn't worry about me elsewhere."

Real smooth, Shan. "I can be a drunken slut anywhere!"
But yeah, I just hated how, even though I would very much call myself a good kid (a saint or nun-to-be? Absolutely not. But still overall pretty good)... if your parents aren't going to trust you anyway, if they're still going to be suspicious, well. Well it makes me respond in a lot of ways like, "they do not realize how good they have it, with me for a kid" or "I might as well be a hot mess then, if that's what they expect of me."

I just hope my mom can take a chill pill this time around, that's all. But I also need to find the courage inside myself to live by my own convictions, not my parents', not anyone else's. I think that's something I can always stand to work on more. Living life by my own terms. Bon Jovi knew what I was talkin' about. And you know what I'm talkin' about, about Bon Jovi knowing what I'm talkin' about. Yeahh you do.

I rant like a pro sometimes.

I want to go to there.

And I'll have oreos and milk and a good book.

But, for fun, other life updates

I have been listening to a Shameful Nostalgia Mix that includes Haddoway's - What is Love", Enrique Iglesias - "Escape", and Semisonic -"Closing Time." JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.

I need to leave my house. The last time I left was today, but it was only a trip to CVS. Before that, a couple days ago, I went with my dad to meet a friend of his for breakfast at a diner. Before that --?? Seriously, I think it's making me ill, being all cooped up like this.

Incidentally I have been going to diners a lot recently. I go out to eat with my parents all the time because I have nothing else to do with my life. I used to never care about diners, which I think betrays my purely Jersey upbringing, but now all I want to do is eat my eggs over easy with some home fries and endless cups of coffee.

Diners are sweet gathering places, where people shoot the shit and eat unhealthy things. In that way, they're just like pubs. And I friggin love pubs. Do you see how much I love them, that I bolded, italicized and underlined that?

America doesn't believe in pubs. I find that unfortunate and wrong. But we do have "taverns"--that's similar, right? Homey atmosphere "where everybody knows your name" blah blah. Here in Hamilton there's Bill's Olde Tavern, which I feel is iconic but I've never been inside, and like, Jojo's, which has pretty good food if memory serves me. And I'm sure other places. But, effing AMERICA, I'm not 21 yet, so a big old MEH to that. (I turn 21 in 24 days but I withhold the right to express bitterness).

My family is all, what do you want to do for your birthday? That's a toughie. I do like eating at new places. I think last year I forced us to eat at an Italian place we'd never been to--it ended up alright, but not spectacular. This time I'm thinking, if we're not all Ireland-ed out from the week before, we could try Killarney's Publick House. Or, hey, Bill's Olde Tavern.

Oh but if I do Mexican food I can order myself a margarita of some kind. Ohhh margaritas. Oh Tequila. Tequila, why are you so good to me?

---Way before I had posted about my plan to no longer drink alcohol that isn't beer? Okay. Well. That didn't happen. Moving on.

Like, look at this picture. These are blood orange margaritas. They are pure and total deliciousness. Pair this with an endless bowl of nachos (endless everything, I say!!! ENDLESS) and zesty fish tacos and I will enter the uncontrollable weeping level of happiness. Like, the same level that is usually known to really emotional brides who are weeping through their wedding vows, they're so happy.

:) So I think I'll go to sleep now, haha.

So much. Is happening.

Aaaah, muchachos y muchachas, I am so negligent. And that last random Josh Groban post was randomly random. I like that in the midst of all the life-altering events lately, that's how I chose to express myself.

Oh, gee, to get things up to speed. Obviously I'm not in Japan right now. So there's that.

-In order to graduate on time I'm dropping the East Asian Studies major |: and switching to an Asian Studies minor. That means I don't need to take Japanese anymore, and I only need one more class, which I'll take in the spring.

-I am doing the Summer in Berlin program again (that begins May 20) to earn some more German Studies major credits.

-I bought my flight to and from Deutschland today. I am going to be in Europe nearly 3 months because I'm flying out August 15. After my program is done (July 2) I'm going to do other traveling, possibly, and then visit Agata while she wraps up her program in Paris. And then we're going to stay in hostels and be awesome in other regions of France/Spain/Portugal. I have an internet friend in Portugal (cause I'm a total sad creep who sometimes makes internet friends) who I've actually been talking to for over a year, and he'll show us around Porto.

-Because of the huge void in my heart after canceling my semester in Japan, I became obsessed with making my family travel somewhere cool for the week of my brother's spring break. Which is why in two weeks we're going to Dublin(!!!).

-I keep avoiding the issue of working on an honors thesis.

-I am seriously thinking of taking up a new language this fall.

Well. Now that that's all said, I feel better. Oh blog, I'm sorry I abandoned you. The thought of my abandonment has in fact been making me ill.

MOAR UPDATES to happen soon, I promise.